Gas prices are not high enough.

And they won't be until all the 4x4 behemoths are off the highway.

I do not arrive at my anti-big-vehicle standpoint as a result of some crazed belief that Global Warming is on the horizon. It might very well be, but I just can't see that it's a result of anything that we puny humans are putting into the air.

If anything, I believe it's a natural phenomenon and indicative of the fact that everything in nature is cyclical. And much like those fucking killer bees that I have been waiting for since the mid '70's, it probably ain't gonna affect me in my lifetime.

What does have a far more immediate affect on me is the fact that these Hummers and Dodge Rams (oh..has there ever been a more apt name for a vehicle?) are driven by individuals who clearly are suffering from a loss of control in some area of their lives and are compensating for it through scary, aggressive driving.

I drive a teeny, tiny little Scion XA which is the cutest, most wonderful car that has ever rolled upon the earth. But if one of these spare-bedroom-on-wheels ever hits me, I will be liquified.

Just the other night, some SUV-driving-tiny-dick passed me on the right shoulder of a two-lane main street. And that motherfucking cocksucking asshole prickhead needs to be punished (in a way that won't entail me breaking a nail, or a sweat).

So in homage to John Ashcroft, I sing:

"Let the gas price sooooaaar,
like it's never sooooared before
from rocky coast to golden shooooore
let the mighty gas price sooooaaar...."

Here's hoping we'll reach $3.99 at some point this summer. In Jesus' name I pray....