I Kill Sick Children

Me: Good evening, St. Jude Medical Pacemakers.

Mumbling Man, Probably Drunk: (slurring words) Hi. I donate. I'm a Vietnam Vet, and I just received notice that my donation card information has to be updated 'cos it's expired.

M: (puzzled) Err...you donate? To St. Jude Medical? The pacemaker company?

V.V.: Yeah. The children's hospital. I'm a Vietnam Vet - a disabled Vietnam Vet - and I donate and they sent me a card that I needed to update my card and I'd like to do that now.

M: But this isn't St. Jude's children's hospital. This is St. Jude Medical, a pacemaker company. It's an entirely different organization.

V.V.: Okay, hold on. (he begins grunting softly as if shifting his position, the sound of papers shuffling and a drawer being opened is heard) Hang on, I can't find a pencil. I'm disabled. Let me go look for something to write the number down.

M: Wait! Sir, I-
(he sets the phone down, the sound of a tv playing softly in the background is heard)

M: Sir? (sighing)


(a full minute ticks by before he returns)

V.V.: (breathing heavily) Okay, what's the number?

M: I don't have the number to St. Jude Children's Hospital. You've called St. Jude Medical which is not affiliated with the children's hospital.

V.V.: But I've got a card right here.

M: Did you call information to get the number you called me at?

V.V.: Yeah.

M: They gave you a wrong number. You'll have to call them back. Tell them it's St. Jude CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL that you need.

V.V.: Can you transfer me?

M: I'm sorry, no.

V.V.: But you're a part of St. Jude, right?

M: No, this is St. Jude pacemaker company

V.V.: (angry, indignant tone) Fine, whatever. Let children die, then.

And then he hung up.

And then I hated humanity just a teensy bit more.